Friends,
Top of the Friday to you. Today we want to return to a subject we unpacked way back in March and put a finer point on it.
Carrie here. You may recall we discussed spontaneous joy, and the findings by researchers that “genuinely happy people are emodiverse.” In other words, people allow themselves the full range of emotions.
We’ve been sitting with this for the past five months, and now I’d like to introduce a highly technical theory:
The Moments Theory
noun
FORMAL: The act of focusing on distinct and punctuated moments of meaning, rather than expecting certain feelings (e.g. meaning) to stay constant over time.
INFORMAL: An excuse to indulge treats.
Here’s how it works:
The emphasis on mindfulness, self-care and wellness—while terrific in many ways—can suggest the following equation: If one does X, Y and Z, then one can and should feel A, B and C almost 100% of the time.
The thing is—life intervenes in ways we can’t expect (as we all know so well these days).
The Moments Theory is essentially a reset in one’s relationship with expectations. It’s not about feeling A, B and C throughout the day, all day long. It’s about making peace with the *moments* of A, B and C.
It also applies when there’s something BIG that we’re working toward, and what happens when the expectations we envision around that event collide with the reality of it. Why not put a pin on that one brilliantly full-and-alive moment in time, when someone complimented your work, your child hugged you spontaneously, and/or you went swimming? We think those moments should be just as prized and precious, if not more, than the ones we anticipate or strive for. In fact, they are likely enough.
The benefit, aside from being more in line with the experience of being human, is that we *can* achieve the pursuit of happiness in an authentic way, versus attempting a homeostasis of contentment and bliss that isn’t really the point anyway.
Okay, Emily, poke some holes in this theory.
Emily: For this theory, no holes. I found this framework really helpful on a recent vacation. Vacations are periods of time that I build up in my mind and assign a lot of meaning to: I am going to be SO RELAXED! I am going to pack ALL THE FUN into this week! When I shifted to noticing and enjoying the happy moments (e.g. this walk IS so relaxing; I’m having fun playing cards), it took the pressure off a bit.
Readers, are you familiar with this idea or any other related theories out there?
Water Cooler Conversation
Emily: Carrie, are you watching the Olympics? I’ve been getting more and more into it over here. Here’s a fun fact I didn’t know until recently: each country has its own reward structure for their medaling athletes.
Carrie: Truth, I need to sort out how to watch it. Peacock or something?
Carrie: Meanwhile, this deep dive into economists' framing of trust, and in particular, rethinking how bad things are re: trust today, is fascinating.
Emily: This line hooked me: “The modern sharing economy is premised on leaps of faith in perfect strangers: we rely on crowdsourced restaurant reviews on Yelp, climb into a stranger’s car through Uber, stay at someone else’s house via Airbnb, and look for love on Bumble, Hinge, and sundry other dating apps.”
Alright that’s a wrap! Tell us what moments come to mind, and maybe we’ll feature a few next time. Hope your weekend has some happy moments.
Your pals,
Carrie & Emily