Friends,
We're approaching Mother’s Day here in the U.S. This year, as the mother’s recession rages on, pregnancy-related health-care coverage remains tenuous at best, and statehouses continue to roll out abortion restrictions, Mother’s Day has a certain heaviness to it.
Here at Unpacking, we’d like to say a big thank you to the moms and mother-figures out there. Thanks for the care, the dedication and for continuing to create humanity (!). We think you’re awesome and deserve all the attention and praise.
So, in the spirit of the occasion, we’d like to introduce you to ... drumroll please … our own mothers. Meet Emily’s mom, Jean, and Carrie’s mom, Sue. In addition to being great parents and indulgent interviewees, Jean is a first-grade teacher and mother of two in Massachusetts, and Sue is a communications professional and mother of three daughters, based in Cincinnati, Ohio.
Below, we ask them a couple questions to help us unpack motherhood.
What’s something about motherhood that people don’t talk about enough?
Jean: Probably postpartum issues like anxiety and depression. You only see pictures of beautiful babies and everything looks so rosy, but breastfeeding, the loss of freedom and sleep deprivation are hard! You adjust to it, but it is a major adjustment.
Sue: Raising a family and growing in our careers happen simultaneously. We talk about being guilt-ridden, about exhaustion and how to juggle it all. But we should also be talking about how we can help one another more fully enjoy this very special time.
What’s something unfair about motherhood?
Jean: Somehow mothers are expected to be full-time caregivers and have a full-time career. Fathers still aren’t expected to be full-time fathers, but mothers are expected to be awesome at both.
Sue: Just as women make less money than men in the workplace, they have disproportionate responsibilities in their homes -- unless they have equal partners. Unrealistic expectations can crush even the strongest wills and best intentions.
What do you wish you had understood about motherhood that you now know?
Jean: Well this is corny but true, but you have no idea how much you will love and worry about your kids! It hits you like a ton of bricks. It’s like a part of YOU is walking around, and you have to slowly learn to let go of it. You’ll know someday!
Sue: Your children will become adults and leave your home, but you will continue to be concerned about their well-being -- ideally, in appropriate ways. Once you become a mother, your heart will never be the same. And that’s a good thing!
Thank you, Jean and Sue, for taking the time to be interviewed and more importantly for raising us. Corny, but true.
Water Cooler Conversation
Emily: Carrie Porter, I’d be remiss to not wish YOU a happy mother’s day! Any plans to celebrate?
Carrie: Why thank you, Emily Roseman! I think a supreme goal is to SLEEP, closely followed by playing outside with my daughter. :)
Carrie: Ahem, have you heard of “raising elle” -- aka Ellevest? My dear friend and feminist Hannah Chapel just told me about the women-focused investing company, and I’m intrigued.
Emily: Wow, this is news to me. Pulling all my money out of Robinhood now and switching to Ellevest (this is not a sponsored post, I’m just excited).
Carrie: Wait, one more thing. Did you know that economists estimate that women’s unpaid labor at home represents up to 39% of global GDP? Can you IMAGINE if we paid people for the work they do to keep people alive, with the essential basics of food, clothing and shelter? For example, I maintain that breast milk is by definition a PRICELESS product.
Carrie again: P.S.: “If you do the math, a year of breastfeeding equates to a conservative estimate of 1,800 hours of a mother's time. This isn't far off from a full time job considering that a 40-hour work week with three weeks of vacation comes in at 1,960 hours of work time a year.”
Emily: I’m speechless but all I can say is you deserve one hell of a vacation, Carrie Porter!
Readers, thoughts on how to make motherhood a more feasible experience for all? Respond to this email with your thoughts and feedback.
Your pals,
Carrie & Emily
P.S. Looking for a last-minute gift for your mom? We endorse a contribution in their name to one of the many organizations supporting India during the horrific COVID-19 surge.