Dear Unpackers,
Know the feeling of going down a water slide and landing in a pool? We are wishing you *that* feeling as you land into your Friday.
Carrie here. Today we’re taking another look at why decision-making can be hard, this time through the lens of fear.
Our broad culture encourages the fear of pain, presenting myriad ways to avoid pain (in theory, of course!). And then there’s the lived experiences of high-stakes situations. Rent is crazy, gun violence is an epidemic, air pollution affects almost half of the U.S. population, and speaking to the Millennials among us: We came of age with 9/11, joined the job market with the Great Recession, and delivered our babies with masks on to avoid covid-19.
It can feel like W.B. Yeats (and more recently, Joan Didion) called it: the center cannot hold.
But! It also feels like there are these two realities. There’s the one we perceive and live out in our minds and often, on the internet, and its gravity sits within the stories we tell each other and ourselves (e.g. romanticizing the mess). Then there’s this other reality: the one that’s more physical, and grounded in statistics. Of course I’m scared that my unvaccinated toddler will get covid, but the statistics tell me that isn’t the best use of my emotional bandwidth.
(Still with me, dear reader? Thanks for holding on, we’re almost to the punchline!)
What if this tip-toeing kind of fear has to do with a porous sense of self? When we over-index on news, responsibilities, sense of self-importance, sense of control, etc., we depend heavily on those fear-based storylines to try to carve our own storylines. It’s important to note that people have different levels of privilege, health, stability and resources, and our senses of fear are also personal and different.
Maybe an alternative is explicitly naming a personal path, owning it, and knowing that consequences are unavoidable and part of this remarkably short experience we call life.
Water Cooler Convo
Carrie: Emily, we could devote a whole Unpacking session to this essay about mothering and the hero’s journey (thanks to fellow Unpacking hero, Hannah, for this one!).
Emily: I like this reframe of motherhood as a hero’s journey, and hope moms can get the help they need to feel less lonely and unsupported along the way.
Carrie: And, I’ll add the hope that support structures are also improved, aka systemic fixes like parental leave policies!
Emily: An Unpacker flagged this funny bit of local news – we’re getting a new city hall and there’s a SURVEY to decide whether the building should have the word “community” in the name. I appreciate the deliberative process, but it makes me laugh that this is the info I’m tracking in local news. CP, what’s your local news of choice these days?!
Carrie: I appreciate this question. Local public radio all the way!
Carrie: Emily and readers, I’m in a weeknight-dinner rut. Any great recipes? I started a Google Doc for us to aggregate new options and spice up things. Please add a favorite and share the doc with your pals!
Emily: Wait, I love this google doc idea! Brilliant, CP. Do we need an Unpacking Cooking vertical?
Carrie: Watch out, NYT Cooking. We’re coming for you.
Alright readers: What do you think? Time to move on from this fear/decision-making beat? Tell us! Also, happy weekend.
Your pals,
Carrie & Emily