Dear Unpackers,
Happy Friday, and happy three-day weekend for those who work at jobs that recognize national holidays like Presidents Day.
(Speaking of Presidents Day … does anyone else feel like we owe this day some extra mindfulness this year? Given the Jan. 6 riot, the Republican Party’s framing of it as “legitimate political discourse,” and the 40 plus percent of Americans who do not believe President Biden won the 2020 election, we know that the right to fair elections, especially for a democratically elected president, is not a right to assume.)
But we digress. Over here in Unpackingland, we want to explore something especially squishy: decision-making and love.
Carrie here. Someone recently introduced me to the idea that the opposite of love is not hate, but rather, fear. I’ve been trying to figure out what this means in practical terms, with a fresh take on our last Unpacking about decision-making and the maximizer and satisficer framework.
With major life scenarios (e.g. moves, relationships, work), when are we making decisions rooted in love, and when are we making decisions rooted in fear? Example: Am I choosing to stay in this job/home/relationship because I love it (e.g. fulfillment, security, joy) or I fear what might happen otherwise (e.g. loss of income, instability, regret)?
Trying on this “love vs. fear” framework gets heady and messy quickly. One can choose to stay in a job because you fear financial consequences, but those financial consequences may be tethered to your love for your family.
Research on love and decision-making raises issues of “ambiguity avoidance” and inaccurate “affective forecasting,” and underlines that we construct decisions from judgments, versus feelings, which are not static. Maybe, choosing the “love” route means loving yourself by dropping the whole effort to make the “right” decision; and instead, grounding in what honors your personhood most clearly, come what may.
Readers, what say you? (Also, are you all tired of us trying to figure out how to make decisions? Tell us, and we’ll move on to unpacking gummy bears again.)
Water Cooler Convo
Emily: Shoutout to Unpacker Eliza for flagging this great profile on AOC. I’ve always appreciated AOC’s radical transparency. Carrie, based on your much-needed Presidents Day tangent, thinking you’d appreciate her take on our democracy’s future (or lack thereof) ...
Carrie: I clearly need to read this; thanks to you and Eliza for flagging!
Carrie: Have you encountered this wonderful comic, Weird Feeling, by Roz Chast? It made me think! Also, I’m hearing rave reviews about this interview by Ezra Klein that takes a broader view on the attention economy.
Emily: Oof, this is too real. I can relate to this! Btw, have I told you that I’m on a comic kick? Some of my favorites: Sarah Andersen, Jonny Sun and Reza Farazmand.
Emily: Ali Wong dropped her third Netflix special a few days ago. Carrie, it is FUNNY. Also wow, this WCC is all about the content recs. But between AOC, doodles and comedy specials, what else do you really need?
Carrie: RECIPES.
Carrie: Friendly public service announcement: There are only 30 more days until spring.
Emily: I think I am more excited about the warm weather now than I ever have been before?!
Alright, Unpacking crew, that’s a wrap for this week. Hope you all have a groovy weekend with good music and moves.
Your pals,
Carrie & Emily